Falling to Pieces Read online

  I shook my head in disgust and jerked my arm from her grasp. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “He said,” her voice lowered, “‘Hilary, my dear. You are looking at a future president.’”

  I turned my back to her. I had no desire to relive childhood memories with the woman who did her best to screw up every good thing I’d ever had in my life. “Just shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”

  She moved next to me and grabbed my arm. “You may not want to hear it, but it’s your reality. You’re almost thirty years old, Joe. It’s time to grow up and accept your family responsibilities.”

  “This isn’t what I want, Hilary, and you damn well know it.”

  She looked into my face with her saccharine smile. “Joe, when have our parents ever asked us what we wanted? You’re lucky they let you join the state police and stay there as long as you have. Politicians are lawyers—”

  I gritted my teeth. “I did my stint in law school.”

  She shook her head. “But you’ve never practiced.” She spun toward the roses. “God, how many times do we have to have this conversation?”

  “None!” I shouted. “I’m not having any conversation with you.”

  A scowl wrinkled her brow. “Don’t be so dramatic Joe. You and I both know you’re stuck with me one way or the other.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “Why the hell do you even want to be with me?”

  “We’re meant to be together.” She pivoted to watch me, moving into an alluring pose. She looked like a model and she knew it, perfectly angling her body to maximize the display of her cleavage. All it did was disgust me.

  I ignored her statement about our relationship. I’d already beat that dead horse to a bloody pulp more times than I could count during the last six months. “I’m not running for the state senate. I’m telling my father off once and for all then I’m moving to Henryetta and marrying Rose.”

  Hilary giggled, covering her mouth and then her abdomen. “Marry Rose? Have you gone completely mental?”

  My temper flared, but I kept my voice down. “This is none of your business.”

  “Weren’t you in that dinner tonight? Did you see how awkward it was for her?”

  I clenched my fists. “No thanks to you. What the hell were you doing trying to embarrass her like that?”

  Hilary tilted her head with a condescending smile. “By asking her where she went to college? That was a normal question. Is your little homegrown girlfriend too fragile for a grownup conversation?”

  “You and I both know that you were trying to humiliate her. She’s a better person than you could ever hope to be.” My body tensed with anger. “You’re vile and ugly and—”

  “Fine.” She waved to the house. “You want to go marry that piece of white trash, march on out of this house and do it. What are you waiting for?” She shoved my chest and I stumbled backward. “Go marry her, Joe. What are you doing in the garden with me then?”

  My fury burned away, fear sweeping into its place. “He has something on her.”

  Hilary snorted. Leave it to her to make it sound refined. “What could he possibly have on that little goody-two shoes?”

  I ran a hand through my hair, nausea churning what little food I’d eaten at dinner. “I don’t know.” That’s what scared me.

  She waved her hand. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

  I wasn’t so sure. My father didn’t make empty threats.

  “You have to run in this race, Joe.”

  “I don’t have to do anything.”

  “Why are you always so damn stubborn?”

  “Why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?”

  “Because I care about you, Joe. I love you. Despite everything, I love you.” She moved in front of me, her fingers wrapping around my wrists. “Do I like that you take a break from me every few months and sleep with other women? No.” A fire burned in her eyes. “But we’re not the first couple to go through this, and we won’t be the last. We can withstand anything.”

  I backed up out of her reach. “You and I are not together.”

  “Joe, you’ve had a rough night, and you’re emotional. We’ll discuss us later.”

  “There is no us, Hilary.”

  She moved toward me and stood on her tiptoes, kissing my cheek. “Get some rest, Joe. You have a busy month ahead of you.”

  I kept my gaze on the roses as the click of her heels faded.

  The lights from the living room lit up the garden. The world I grew up with was in that room. The future they expected from me was in that room.

  Hilary was right. What could my father have on Rose? I could walk back in the house, grab my keys, drive away, and never look back. I didn’t need my parents. I didn’t want them. I could walk out right now and go to the woman I loved and have the life I wanted and never see them again.

  But I couldn’t go.

  What if he destroyed her?

  My mother found me soon after, sitting on a concrete bench and staring at the roses.

  “Joe, are you seriously still out here pouting?”

  I cringed. “I’m waiting.”

  “Waiting for what?”

  “For everyone to leave.”

  She sat down beside me. “You really have been stuck in that god-awful town too long if you can’t even sit in a room and carry on a civil conversation. You need to move home as quickly as possible.”

  I groaned and shifted on the seat. “This is not my home, Mom.”

  Her eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Of course this is your home.”

  “My home is with Rose.”

  Mom crossed her legs, the slit of her dress exposing her shin. Her middle finger lightly tapped her thigh. “I know you think you love that girl, but she’s much too simple for you, Joe.”

  I shook my head, my anger flaring again.

  “You’re young, and you’ve been with Hilary since the two of you were in diapers. I understand wanting something…not familiar.” She shifted, her shoulders tensing. “Your father…” She cleared her throat and lifted her chin. “Let’s just say I understand your need.” She turned to me. “You’re lucky that Hilary was raised in a family like ours so she’s more understanding than most women. Still, there’s a limit to what someone can take, Joe.”

  I gritted my teeth. “I don’t give a damn about Hilary. We’re over.”

  Her hand rested on my knee, her voice softening. “I know you blame Hilary for the unfortunate incident last spring.”

  My stomach twisted. “The unfortunate incident you refer to has a name, mother. Her name was Savannah.”

  Her fingers gently patted my leg. “Yes, of course dear. I know.”

  I felt like I was going to be sick. “She deserves more respect than that.”

  “Joe, dredging up those dreadful memories doesn’t do anyone any good. What’s done is done. We can only move on.”

  “Savannah can’t move on.”

  “No, she can’t, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t.” She sighed and leaned closer. “I understand Rose’s appeal. I really do. She’s a simple girl, and she asks little of you, am I right? You can be with her and act like you’re on an undercover assignment, pretending to be someone else. But you’re fooling yourself, Joe. You are not some redneck good ol’ boy who can live in rural Arkansas as a sheriff’s deputy.” She shook her head. “A sheriff’s deputy in Fenton County? Really, Joe?”

  She tsked, and I felt the uncertainty that had plagued me my entire life, making me question every choice I’d ever made that wasn’t sanctioned by my parents. “She’s a good person, Mom. She loves me for me.”

  “Of course she does, Joe. I bet she’d be happy with you being a deputy and getting married and raising a house full of kids. But you were destined for bigger things. She’s easy for you to be with because she expects so little of you. You needed that after your recent… trauma. You needed someone to let you heal, and I admit, what little I know of the g
irl and your relationship, she’s been a wonderful distraction.”

  “She is not a distraction.”

  “Joseph, we need someone who challenges us to become a better person.”

  My voice broke. “She does make me want to be a better person.”

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it. You were born to inherit great power and it comes with a price. With great responsibility comes great sacrifice.”

  “I never asked for any of this.”

  “No, you didn’t, but you were born into it anyway. Did King Louis XVI ask to be born into a family that predestined him to be king?”

  “Are you seriously comparing me to a king of France?”

  She grabbed my arm. “Joseph, you have your place in this world and Henryetta, Arkansas isn’t it.”

  She was good. As always, she twisted my words and made me question everything. But there was one thing my mother couldn’t make me doubt. “I love her.”

  “I’m sure that you think you do.”

  I turned to her, my emotion flowing to the surface. “I love her. I’ve never loved anyone like I love her.”

  She studied me then a soft smile covered her face, reminding me of the woman who loved me when I was a small boy. Before she jumped onto my father’s train to be make me the next great American politician. “Yes, I think you really do.” She turned back to the house. “I need to say goodbye to our remaining guests then we’ll discuss this with your father.”

  Relief washed through me, and I nodded. I might have swayed her to my side.

  “But you need to come in and make an appearance. Your father announced your candidacy, and you’re hiding in the garden like a sulking child.”

  She was right, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. I couldn’t stay in there and pretend to accept his announcement, and to publically embarrass him could ultimately hurt Rose. I stood and my shoulders tensed. “I just want to get this over with.”

  Looping her arm around mine, Mom pulled me toward the house and murmured, “Be careful what you wish for.”

  Chapter Three

  I followed my mother into their soirée, thanking the guests for attending then claiming I needed to get busy with the campaign. My father shot me a look of disapproval as I left to wait in the study, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going through with this masquerade. All I wanted was for him to come in and tell me what he had on Rose so I could go home and figure out how to protect her.

  Funny how I always thought of Rose’s house as home now, but why wouldn’t I? My mother claimed this was my home, but it had never been home. Once I turned eight, I’d been raised by housekeepers and tutors. This house was like a museum with all its antiques and stiff formality. My mother would turn up her nose if she walked into Rose’s tiny house, but when I looked back on the last twenty-nine years, I knew it didn’t matter what was in the house. It was the love that filled it. The only real home I’d ever known was when I was with Rose.

  I went into my father’s study to wait, reliving my moments with Rose in the room hours earlier. God, I’d hurt her so badly. My shame burned a hole in my chest. How could she still want me? Yet she did. Her love was unconditional.

  I’d told her about Savannah, but there was so much more I wasn’t proud of. So much more that I hoped Rose would never know about, so she wouldn’t look at me the way she had after I told her my secret. With horror and disbelief.

  I’d never known anyone like Rose, let alone hoped to have someone like her love me. Hell, I’d never thought someone could ever love me without wanting something in return. My parents expected me to continue the family legacy. Hilary thought I’d be a rising political star and wanted to be on my arm. Even my sister expected me to break free from my parents’ hold and refused to talk to me when I didn’t do it her way.

  Everyone wanted something from me. Everyone except for Rose. She loved me for me, or the me I showed her. The only thing she expected in return was for me to love her back. I spent the first two months of our relationship waiting for her to realize that I was nothing but a fraud and break up with me. But she didn’t. She only saw the good and never assumed I was anything less, even when I tried to tell her Joe Simmons wasn’t the man she knew. She thought I was deluded for even suggesting such a thing. And I let myself believe her. I let myself believe that I really was the man she knew, that when I left Little Rock, I became Joe McAllister, a simple man who wanted nothing but the woman he loved and a family. The rest of the world be damned.

  But it was all a lie, and the deeper I got into a relationship with her, the more anxious I became that the house of cards would come tumbling down, and I’d lose her.

  It didn’t help that I knew Mason Deveraux was waiting in the wings, ready to clean up the mess I’d eventually leave. He’d told me once in Little Rock that he was a patient man. He may have been referring to Savannah, but I knew it filled every part of his life. And Rose was definitely worth waiting for.

  But I still clung to the hope it would all work out. That I could spend the rest of my life with Rose Gardner through better or worse, till death do us part. I had to believe it because when I thought of the alternative, panic clawed at my insides, ripping my hope to shreds. I couldn’t accidently stumble upon Rose in god-forsaken Henryetta, Arkansas, just to lose her.

  Mom was right. Rose didn’t expect more from me like they did. The only thing she wanted from me was to be happy. Why did Mom make it sound so colloquial?

  The study door opened and my mother came in with my father following behind her. He filled the threshold, pausing for effect. It was a move I was long familiar with and even though I recognized it for what it was, the same uneasy fear from my childhood crept through my body, a metallic taste coating my tongue. Some reactions were long since conditioned into me. The switch he used to hold in his hand had helped reenforce it.

  “You embarrassed me tonight, Joseph.”

  My back stiffened and I stuffed down my dread. It was time I finally took control and stood up to him. I was nearly thirty years old. “I embarrassed you? What do you think you and Mom did to Rose?”

  His eyes clouded with confusion. “Rose? What the hell does she have to do with anything?”

  “She’s the woman I love. The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. The way you treat her is everything to me.”

  My father’s face reddened. “I did not spend twenty-nine years grooming you for this to let you throw it away for a backwoods girl from Fenton County.”

  I took a step toward him, my anger flushing my skin. “If you think I’m going to stand here and listen to you insult her, you’ve got another thing coming.”

  “Joe.” Mom grabbed my arm and drawled. “You have to acknowledge our concern. How do you know this girl doesn’t want you for your money?”

  “Because she didn’t even know I had money until July!”

  My father growled, “It doesn’t matter whether she wants your money or not, she’s not acceptable.”

  “I don’t give a shit if you find her acceptable or not. I’ve asked her to marry me and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”

  His body tensed. “You won’t be marrying her if she’s in prison.”

  My blood fled to my feet. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Have a seat, Joe.” My father brushed past me and moved behind his desk.

  I spun around to face him. “I don’t want to have a seat. What I have to say can be said just fine standing.”

  Dad sat in his chair and glared at me. “Have a seat, Joseph.”

  I lowered to the seat in front of his desk while my mother sank into the chair next to me.

  “If you think you have something to put her in jail, you’re either deluded or you’ve fabricated evidence.” I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. “I’m going with the latter.”

  My father leaned back in his seat. “Monroe Peterman called about ten minutes ago with something that could be an issue.”

  “I
don’t give a damn what Monroe Peterman had to say. I want to know what you have on Rose.”

  He shook his head in disgust. “You should be worried about what Monroe Peterman had to say instead of that girl. You have a challenger in the senate race.”

  I paused. Maybe I could still get out of this. “You said I would be unopposed.”

  “And you were supposed to be, but I just got word that Delany’s going to announce his candidacy tomorrow morning.”

  “So I don’t need to run now.”

  Dad banged his fist on the desk. “Of course you’re going to run! But it means we have to put a hell of a lot more effort into this than we originally planned.”

  “Delany’s a big family man,” Mom mumbled, her nails clicking on the arm of her chair. “He plays that to the hilt. He’ll take advantage of his kids in soccer and Boy Scouts. It could be an issue that Joe’s not married.”

  “I’m not running!” I shouted.

  My father’s face reddened. “Like hell you won’t. This is what we’ve been preparing you to do since the doctor slapped your behind in the delivery room. This is the perfect opportunity to jump in. So what if Delany’s a family man? He’s bound to turn off some of the voters with his ultraconservative Christian fundamentalism.”

  “I’m not so sure, J.R.,” Mom said. “Joe’s being single could be a bigger issue than you think.”

  I fought to maintain what little control I had left. “I’m not running.”

  My father turned his gaze on me. “Do you really want to see that little piece of fluff in jail? I’m not so sure how long she’d last in there.”

  “You keep saying that, but so far, you’ve produced nothing. You’re bluffing.” I wanted to tell him that she was stronger than he gave her credit for, but I couldn’t see how that would help my case.

  Dad opened a desk drawer and pulled out a small stack of papers, slapping them on the desk and sliding them toward me. “Bluffing, huh? You check those out and tell me if we should continue this discussion.”