Falling to Pieces Read online

  “Good.” Neely Kate tilted her head toward the front door. “He’s walking across the street now.”

  The front door opened and Mason filled the doorway. His gaze swept the room and landed on me, his face lighting up.

  “It just seemed like he needed to be here,” she said, glancing back at him and then me.

  A soft smile lifted my mouth and my chest tightened. “Yeah, it’s perfect now.”

  Mason moved to the end of the table and hesitated. “I hope you don’t mind that Neely Kate invited me. Is it okay if I join you?”

  I nodded, trying to keep from tearing up. I wasn’t sure why I was so happy he was here, but I realized I was celebrating with my friends, which meant he belonged here too.

  His smile spread across his face as he extended a hand toward Bruce Wayne. The two men shook and Mason looked Bruce Wayne in the eyes, congratulating him on helping to make the Gardner Sisters Nursery a success. The respect he showed Bruce Wayne filled my heart with an unexpected warmth.

  Bruce Wayne’s gaze lowered. “It’s all Miss Rose. She comes up with the ideas. I just do the diggin’ and plantin’.”

  I shook my head with a laugh. “Don’t let him fool you. I couldn’t do it without him. We’re a team.”

  Mason nodded, pride in his eyes as he glanced at me. “I believe that’s probably true.”

  We all sat down, me at one end and Mason at the other, with Neely Kate and the other two men on the sides. We ordered lunch and talked about our landscaping jobs then Jonah’s decreased church attendance.

  “But the members who have stayed seem even more committed than before,” Jonah said, absently poking his fork as his salad.

  “You’ll build it back up,” Neely Kate reached over and patted his hand. “And your church will be stronger for it. Especially since you seem more genuine now. No offense, Jonah, but you were kind of creepy and overbearing before.”

  “Neely Kate!” I gasped.

  Jonah lifted his hands in surrender, wincing when he lifted his left arm too high. “No, it’s true, Rose. I’ve listened to my mother’s advice and suggestions for over two years, but now I just want to be myself. It’s going to take some time to figure out who that is.” His gaze found mine and he smiled softly. “Just like you’re trying to figure out who you are now.”

  Confusion flickered in Mason’s eyes, but he remained silent.

  We spent the next forty minutes telling stories and laughing. I was surrounded by people who cared about me and I cared about them. Joe had called them outcasts, and he was probably right. Even Mason had been cast out of Little Rock as penance for his crime, but I was an outcast too. These people were who I belonged with. A warm happiness flooded my chest, and I felt like there was nothing too daunting for me to tackle.

  I cast a glance at Mason and found him watching me with a soft smile. We locked eyes and my stomach fluttered before I looked away.

  When we finished lunch, I hugged each one of my friends goodbye, but I saved Mason for last. We stood alone on the sidewalk outside the café, neither one of us speaking. The crisp late October wind gently blew my hair into my eyes as I stared up into Mason’s face, my hands stuffed into my jean pockets.

  “Are you cold?” he asked, starting to remove his jacket.

  “No,” I said with a smile. “I’m fine.”

  “You look good, Rose,” he said, softly. “You look happy.”

  I shifted my feet. “I’m getting there.” I paused. “I took your advice.”

  Confusion wrinkled his brow. “What advice?”

  “You told me I had to face what I’ve been through. That I have to work through it to move on. You were right, and I’ve been doing that.”

  He released a breath, his warm eyes glittering. “Good. I’m glad.”

  “Jonah was a licensed therapist in Texas, so we get together twice a week now and talk about… things.” I bit my lower lip before continuing. “I need to figure out who I am alone before I can figure out who I am with someone else.” I tilted my head. “Does that make sense?”

  He smiled, looking relieved. “It makes perfect sense.”

  I knew he’d understand. He’d been there for me through so much, but I didn’t realize how much I liked having him around until that moment. His absence the last couple of weeks had left a hole in my life. I took a step closer. “I miss you, Mason.”

  Indecision flickered in his eyes before he rested his hand on my upper arm. “I miss you too.” He cleared his throat. “But I needed to give you some time to get over Joe. I hope you don’t think I deserted you. I just…I wanted…”

  His voice trailed off, and I laughed. “Why Mason Deveraux, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you at a loss for words.”

  He chuckled, glancing at the courthouse across the street then back at me. “It’s a pretty rare occurrence. It takes something extraordinary to make that happen.”

  “This conversation is extraordinary?”

  He hesitated, his smile fading slightly. “No, I’m calling you extraordinary.”

  “Oh.” My heart sped up.

  Indecision warred on his face again before resolve squared his jaw. “I care about you, Rose. I’m sure I haven’t done a very good job of hiding my feelings. Even when you were with Joe. But I never would have interfered when you were with Joe. I care about you too much to have put you in that position. Now he’s out of the picture, but I didn’t want you to rush into something you weren’t ready for. I wanted to give you space to sort through your feelings over your breakup.”

  I looked into his eyes, worried. “Mason, I… Joe was my first boyfriend. I loved him. I still do.”

  The pain that flickered in his eyes sent a stab of pain through my stomach.

  “But he and I are over. I know that. I just need to adjust before I can move on.”

  Relief washed over his face and he nodded. “I know and I want to respect that.”

  “I’ve also done a lot of growing and changing myself over the last five months and as Jonah has pointed out, a lot of it has been with Joe. I need to figure out who I am now that I’m not under Momma’s iron fist and no longer in a relationship with Joe. I need to figure out who Rose Gardner of Henryetta, Arkansas is on my own before I can figure out who I am with someone else.”

  “I understand.” Thankfully, he looked like he really did.

  “I’m not sure what I feel for you Mason, but I know I like you. A lot. And I miss you so much it hurts.” I looked down at his red tie, suddenly embarrassed at my confession.

  He reached under my chin and tilted my face up to meet his gaze. “I know that I like you too. A lot.”

  I smiled.

  “I miss you too. You have no idea how hard it is for me, but I’m willing to wait until you’re ready. I think we could have something really amazing, but I want you to be sure. With no regrets and no hesitation.”

  “Thank you for understanding.”

  His face lowered to mine and my breath caught as I wondered if he was going to kiss me, but his lips brushed my cheek. “You’re worth waiting for.”

  I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face into his chest, unwilling to let him go yet. His arms tightened around me, and we embraced for several seconds, the wind lifting the edges of my coat, giving me a chill. The way my heart sped up when he held me in his arms, I wondered what else we could have between us. Part of me wanted to be with him now and I considered telling him that I didn’t want to wait. But that wouldn’t be fair to him and it wouldn’t be fair it me either.

  Because I knew I wasn’t ready yet.

  I released my hold on his neck, sliding my hands down to his chest, still unable to step away. Mason’s arms still encircled my back, and he dipped his head to leave a lingering kiss on my forehead. I tilted my face up to look into his, surprised at the intensity of his gaze.

  “I need to let you go before I do something I’ll regret.” His arms dropped and he took a half-step away. “I have no right making any demands on yo
u, and I won’t. I’ll let you set the pace.”

  “But you want it to be soon?” I whispered.

  His hand reached for my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.

  “Thank you for waiting.”

  Emotion flickered in his eyes. “How could I not?” Then he dropped his hold on me. “I’m always here when you need me, Rose.” Then he turned and crossed the street toward the courthouse.

  I watched him stop at the entrance and open the door, his gaze landing on me one last time before he disappeared inside. Instead of feeling lonely and empty because of his absence, I basked in the hope that maybe I really could be happy again with someone else. Mason was right. When I started a new relationship, I wanted to do it with no regrets.

  I just needed to give myself time.

  Thirty-One and a Half Regrets coming January 9, 2014

  About the Author

  New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Denise Grover Swank was born in Kansas City, Missouri and lived in the area until she was nineteen. Then she became a nomadic gypsy, living in five cities, four states and ten houses over the course of ten years before she moved back to her roots. She speaks English and smattering of Spanish and Chinese which she learned through an intensive Nick Jr. immersion period. Her hobbies include witty Facebook comments (in own her mind) and dancing in her kitchen with her children. (Quite badly if you believe her offspring.) Hidden talents include the gift of justification and the ability to drink massive amounts of caffeine and still fall asleep within two minutes. Her lack of the sense of smell allows her to perform many unspeakable tasks. She has six children and hasn’t lost her sanity. Or so she leads you to believe.

  You can find out more about Denise and her other books at:

  www.denisegroverswank.com

  or email her at [email protected]

  Contents

  Title page

  Other books by Denise Grover Swank:

  Part One

  Rose

  Chapter One

  Joe

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Part Two

  Rose

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Joe

  Chapter Eight

  Part Three

  Joe

  Chapter Nine

  Rose

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  About the Author